Happy Anniversary

Two years ago I stood at the altar in front of beloved friends and family I anxiously awaited my bride to be.  I was nervous, nauseas, woozy and, felt like I was going to pass out. I stood there with my heart pounding. And then I saw her. It was as if everything and everyone around had just faded from thought and focus. All I could see was her. And like an ocean wave crashing upon the shore it hit me…peace.  She came walking down the aisle like an angel and clothed in a magnificent white gown she was truly a beautiful sight to behold. The music, the lighting, the way she walked, everything came together like one beautiful harmonious symphony. I remember after the rush of peace and calm I was overcome with joy. This was the moment I made a covenant promise to the woman who I loved above all else. Not an exchange of goods, but an exchange of persons.

I never thought I would find myself married. Not because I wasn’t the “marrying type” but because I never thought I would find someone who would accept me for all my faults and failures. And believe me there are A LOT!  But lo’ and behold God had something in store for me; either that or he just got tired of my incessant whining. However, what I had asked for, and what I received are two very different things.  God gave me so much more than I could ever envision in my wife. He gave me a way to attain heaven and someone to attain heaven with. Stephanie challenges me in so many different ways, to not only be a better man but a holier man. Without her I honestly don’t know into what disgusting pit I might have fallen into.  Never, have I met a woman with more saintly qualities. She is patient with me; she takes time to listen to me even if it means that she may not get to be listened to. And she has sacrificed so much for the sake of our little family. It is in her shining example of faith and love that challenges me to move outside of myself and to strive to be the man she needs me to be, the man my children need me to be and most importantly the man God intended me to be. I know this road hasn’t been easy and I know we have plenty of challenges ahead. But with you by my side Stephanie Marie we can weather any storm. Happy Anniversary my love, here is to the past two years and however many more we may have, until death do us ‘part.  

The Self Evident Truths

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

Whether it was by a history teacher or Will Smith in his movie "The Pursuit of Happiness" you have no doubt  heard the above article from the Declaration of Independence quoted in some way or another. Amidst all of the political pandemonium that has taken place the last two weeks in the Republican and Democratic National Conventions it is important not to get sucked into the political platform and rhetoric of each party. In other words, it is imperative that we keep our wits about us.  Although my blog is titled the "Catholic Christian", it is important to understand that while my faith forms the decisions and life choices I make, this does not mean that every belief I hold is because I am Catholic. It simply means that the Catholic Church affirms what I already know to be true. For example, you do not need to be Catholic to know and understand that "slavery is wrong". However, this is a basic belief of the Catholic Church and it affirms what we already know to be true as Americans or even as human beings.

The Founding Fathers when writing the Declaration of Independence wrote, as seen above, that we as human beings are "endowed with unalienable Rights". Unalienable by definition means "unable to be given away or taken". Which means that the Rights we have are Rights to us simply by the very fact that we are human. No matter what, there are certain things that are not given to us by any political power or person, but rather we are "endowed" with these rights once we are conceived. The writers go on to explain what some of these Rights are. First and foremost among the other rights listed are "Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness". It is without a doubt on purpose that the Founding Fathers wrote these rights in this order. 

The pursuit and attainment of happiness is an end that results in the exercise of our liberty as human beings. Without liberty we stand as an oppressed people, at the mercy of someone who would only seek to use us as a means to some end. Like a slave who has no liberty, regardless of how he may be treated, is still hindered in his pursuit of happiness. For the slave is owned by another and is not free to live his life to its fullest potential. Without liberty we are stranded and restless in ourselves. Without liberty we are unable to express ourselves as we are, incommunicable and unique persons. And when an adversary seeks to take our liberties away our first and foremost response is not to pursue happiness but to pursue and attain our liberties first, so that we may again continue to live our lives in pursuit of happiness. 

Among the three most prominent unalienable rights it is only fitting that life be at the forefront of the Declaration of Independence. Without life, liberty cannot be exercised and in this our pursuit of happiness is non-existent. As I stated earlier not every belief I hold I do so because I am Catholic but the Catholic Church affirms what is known to be true. Mainly that we are created equal and are endowed with unalienable rights such as life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.  What our Founding Fathers and the Church both have in common is that there is an agreement that the most basic and important right we have is the right to life. This means that abortion and the taking of an innocent life is not just a religious issue but at its core a human rights issue. 

 Slavery, suffrage, segregation and civil rights were all causes taken up because the laws in place infringed on a persons right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. These were not some overzealous religious causes. They were causes that were affirmed by religious people. In the 1960's my father, a white Jewish-atheist, stood by and marched next to a black baptist preacher. At no point did anybody say "this is a black persons matter, stay out of it". Instead they marched and walked together because there was an understanding that the basic rights of liberty and the pursuit of happiness were being infringed upon violently. So it is today with legalization of abortion. 

There is however, a problem. The atrocities of slavery, segregation and the oppression of women all had one thing in common. Those who were oppressed were able to speak for themselves. Sadly when it comes to the right to life those whose Rights are being violated do not have a voice to speak for themselves. Does this mean that they are less valuable? No. It simply means that those with a conscience and a voice are obligated by nothing more than the moral code by which our nation stands, to speak up and be an advocate for those whose Rights are being infringed upon.  While some may argue that this idea causes people to make decisions solely on one issue. I reply to this objection by simply stating that if a persons Right to Life is being violated, then every other Right that person holds is also being violated.  Happiness is contingent upon liberty and liberty contingent on life. Abortion, like slavery strips away not just mans liberty but worse it destroys the very reason for which liberty exists; that is for the flourishing of society and mankind.

Reality Check

There is, I think, a moment in every Christian's life, when Jesus Christ stops being an idea but becomes a reality. For some it is something that happens without the person even realizing it. For others, like myself, there is a conscientious moment when the realization sets in that Jesus Christ and the Gospel is not a "nice idea" but a truth; a reality. For me, it was all thanks to a priest named Father Richard Felt. 

When I had been confirmed in the Catholic Church I had become a member of the One, Holy, Catholic and, Apostolic Church,  I stood up on the altar and made my profession of faith: "That everything the Church taught and believed, was revealed by God", and this of course meant that everything was true.  To be clear, this is a profession I will proudly say again and again and am willing to lose my life for. Since I was a convert, I was fairly well catechized, I knew what the Church taught and I knew it well. I could explain the creed and its necessity and origin. I knew where in Sacred Scripture to find proofs for the teachings and doctrine of the Church, I KNEW MY FAITH but I hadn't experienced it.

A few years and some poorly thought out decisions later, I found myself in a relationship that was far from what would be considered the standard of a good and holy. I was living with my fiance and we had our first child. Now for anybody who is unfamiliar with Catholic teaching, co-habitation is a no no. But due to our financial circumstances my fiance and I had to live together for the sake of raising our child. The situation was not ideal but it was necessary. Having an unplanned pregnancy was also a wake-up call for the both of us. We needed to stop making the same mistakes which led us to our circumstances and begin to love each other enough to remain chaste. Like faithful Catholics we still attended Mass every Sunday, even though we had to withhold from receiving Holy Communion due to our living situation. I can honestly say nothing was more painful than watching my future wife sitting next to me at Mass and being on the verge of tears because Jesus was right there in front of her and yet out of reach. It was not only difficult to see her so distraught, it was also difficult for me to understand why there was such an emotional reaction from her, after all I knew my faith, I knew what we were missing out on.

While I was sitting in my car one evening waiting to go into work (this was one of the few times I was actually early to work) my best friend called me. I had told him about our plight and how we had to refrain from partaking in the sacraments of the Church because of our living situation and after-all, I knew my faith. However, it was at this point when, like Saint Paul, I was knocked off my horse by some Good News. He told me as long as we were living together out of necessity and not convenience and living like brother and sister (do I really need to explain what that means?) we could receive our sacraments. I couldn't wait to tell my fiance the good news. However, me being me, I had to make absolutely sure he was telling the truth. A few days later I decided to stop in at my parish and speak to our pastor and see if my friend was indeed correct.

I was very fortunate when I arrived. I didn't make an appointment and I didn't even know if Fr. Felt would be in or available. As providence would have it, not only was he there, the person he was supposed to see at the same time I arrived called and canceled.  I told the receptionist I would like to speak with Fr. Felt and he came out right away and took me into his office.

"What can I do for you?, he asked. I sat there and told him our situation. I told him that my future wife and I were living together, that we had an unplanned child out of wedlock and that we hungered to receive Jesus in the sacrament of Holy Communion but couldn't due to our living situation. 

He sat at his desk listening to me patiently and after a moment of silence he replied. With a smile he asked, "Are you living as brother and sister?", I nodded yes and he said "Your friend is right ya know? You can go to Reconciliation and receive Our Lord in the Eucharist. But you have to make a promise to Our Lord that you will remain faithful to him and chaste until your wedding day". He looked down at me through his glasses which were placed on the lower part of his nose and wagged his finger and told me "do not be fickle with the promises you make to Our Lord, if you make a promise intend to keep it, he will be faithful to you, so be faithful to him. Now would you like me to hear your confession?"

I was walking out to my car after my confession and was excited to tell my fiance the good news that we could in fact receive Our Lord in the Eucharist. It was at this moment right before I called her that reality hit me. How could I not have seen it before? After all I KNEW MY FAITH! It was two words Father Felt kept saying "Our Lord".

His words kept echoing in my head: "Our Lord". He said it like it wasn't a choice. As if this is how he always addressed Jesus, with respect and with reverence. Almost as if he was...real.  I mean if He appeared before you, wouldn't you repeat the words of St. Thomas "My Lord, My God!"? Then it hit me, and I almost fell over, My Lord.

I had been drifting in my faith not living it, just drifting. Jesus was an idea, a great idea but he wasn't a reality he was an abstraction. He was a man who existed two-millennia ago and the Church was his legacy and His way of carrying on His message and His truth. I knew ABOUT Him, but did I KNOW Him? How could I not? No matter how many times I had been in his presence he was never mine. It wasn't until that moment I realized that Our Lord, whether you choose to accept Him or not, is a reality.
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How my life has changed since that moment! Though I am far from perfect as my wife will attest, I can honestly say that the man who walked into Father Felt's office is not the same man who is sitting and typing out this blog. I no longer just know my faith but experience it daily. I finally understand the tears that were being shed by my fiance at the time.  When you accept the reality of Jesus, that he really is the Son of God and wants you to let him in, I promise you will not be disappointed. God is never outdone in generosity. Our faith is not just something nice to know, it is how life should be lived. With Our Lord at the front and us following Him. If you find yourself reciting the creed instead of proclaiming it, following along in the Gloria instead of singing it at the top of your lungs and if you feel that even though you know what the Church teaches and are still reluctant to change yourself, stop and remember that whether you accept it or not Jesus Christ is Our Lord. It is never too late to let Jesus in and allow him to change you.

Even some of the great Saints took some time before they realized the reality of Our Lord. As St, Augustine once wrote:

"Late have I loved you,

Beauty so ancient and so new,

late have I loved you!

Lo, you were within,

but I outside, seeking there for you,

and upon the shapely things you have made

I rushed headlong,

I, misshapen.

You were with me but I was not with you.

They held me back far from you,

those things which would have no being

were they not in you.

You called, shouted, broke through my deafness;

you flared, blazed, banished my blindness;

you lavished your fragrance,

I gasped, and now I pant for you;

I tasted you, and I hunger and thirst;

you touched me, and I burned for your peace".

Two words was all it took for my reality check. What is it going to take for yours? We only have one life. Don't drift through it, live through it.

A "Flash" of Light in the Darkness

It was dark and storming outside, every few seconds a streak of lightning would flash across a window followed by the loud crack and boom of thunder. A little boy was laying in bed trying to be strong and brave, until the house was hit by lightening and the power went out. Terrified the little boy cried out for his mother. Almost as if she already knew her little boy would be terrified she entered promptly and sat next to the little boy who was crying and trembling with fear. She wrapped her arms around him and lovingly reassured him. She was finally able to get him to calm down, and started to talk to him.

"Are you ok?, she asked lovingly 
"Yes", he replied
"Are you still scared?,

The little boy shook his head and though it was dark his mother was able to see the gesture and she smiled.

"What was it the scared you, was it the thunder and lightning?", she asked.
"No", he said looking hard to see her face through the darkness "It's the dark".
A small smile came across her face, "the dark" she said, "I don't think my brave little boy is afraid of the dark" she said while grabbing his hand.

He squeezed her hand tightly "what do you mean I am not afraid of the dark?" he responded quite indignant at the fact that someone was telling him what he wasn't afraid of.

."Look around you" the boys mother instructed, "it's still dark, nothing has changed, and yet you arent afraid anymore" she paused a moment and looked at the storm outside of the window, "It isn't the dark you are afraid of Barry, it's being alone in the dark that frightens you."


This is one of my favorite quotes from the hit superhero series "The Flash". This dialogue between Barry Allen (The Flash) and his mother brought to mind all of those times when I was a child and refused to sleep because I was afraid of the dark. Admittedly it is still a fear that still bears with me today although, not to the same degree as it did when I was a child. However, the more I reflect on the above dialogue the more I wonder if it really is the dark that is feared or it is the feeling of isolation and loneliness that is often accompanied by the being in the dark. More often than not the only way I would be able to fall asleep is if my mother sat with me in the room or laid with me until I fell asleep and she could finally leave. It wasn't so much being in the light that soothed me but it was her company that allowed me to find some peace, and finally drift off to sleep.

I don't often find a whole lot of divine inspiration from watching modern t.v. shows. But the more I thought of this episode in light of my Christian world view, I couldn't help to think about the opening to St. John's Gospel:

"The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." (John 1:5)

It is difficult, I think, in today's modern society for us as Christians. After all we are called to "live in the world and not of it" and yet society is screaming the exact opposite. We are often labeled as bigots, radicals, or sometimes our opinions aren't even considered simply because of our faith. Whether it is deliberate or accidental, society has a tendency to push us aside. We often times feel alone and isolated simply because we are not heard or listened to.  We doubt ourselves and our beliefs and we begin to fall into this darkness and from the darkness comes the feelings of fear and doubt, until like young Barry Allen we start to lose hope. What are we to do?

There is in my opinion some significance to the title that Barry takes when he gets his super human speed. As most people who have any knowledge of superheroes they know that when "The Flash" runs all people can see is a streak of yellow lightning, a "Flash" of light. When darkness and evil ensue in Central City the small flash of yellow light restores the peoples hope and alleviates their fear of whatever is to come. 

However, our God gives us something much greater than a streak of yellow light, he gives us a perpetual light and the source of all goodness. 

"I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness..." (John 8:12)

Not only does God give us the "Light of The World" but he does not tell us to go out on our own. He exhorts us to "follow me". So that we will not "walk in darkness". Meaning, we don't do this alone. Jesus understands our needs and that it is not the dark that we fear, but being alone in the dark. So not only does He dispell the darkness He walks with us through it. One only needs to look as far as the cross on which He hung, or the agony He felt in the garden. It is not just His words that reassure us, but His actions. After all, how could God understand human suffering if He did not suffer like us?

Furthermore, not only does He give himself, but also He gives us His mother, so that in times of darkness we can cry to her who is the Mother of Light, Hope, and Mercy. So she too can take our hand and lead us to the perpetual light of Christ. When we come into the light of Christ He not only dispels our darkness but we too become a light for others.

So like St. Paul writes "let us cast aside the sin and weight that clings so closely, so we may run with perseverance the race that is set before us" (Hebrews 12:1) and perhaps we can provide people with a "Flash" of light that brings them out of darkness and fear.